‘I do
I dooooo
Iiiiiiii doo
Mmmmmm
I Arthur James Smethwick do take, hrmmmmm.
I whatever do take Molly Rose Bimble.
God I mustn’t laugh.
Molly Rose Bimble as my lawful wedded wife.’

‘Art, are you ready, what are you doing up there?’
‘Nearly. Moll are you sure you want to do this?’
‘Are you getting cold feet?’
‘No, I’ve got my thermal socks on.’
‘Ha, ha. I forgot I was marrying you for your sense of humour.’
‘Of course, I do.’
‘Only you can bugger off at the end of the reception if that’s what you want to do. And I don’t care about vows and stuff. But, if nothing else, you will endure the meeting of all the relations.’
‘Look, ready.’
‘Shame you never learned the right knot for a tie.’
‘Thank you darling, you look gorgeous too. Anyway, I didn’t invite the relations, you did.’
‘Don’t lay that on me. I said a registry office and two witnesses would be fine. You said we must celebrate the occasion. I said we should do it with a romantic weekend away. But no, that wasn’t good enough for you. You told your mother we were getting married.’
‘And she told your mother.’
‘Case proved. I had nothing to do with it.’
‘Oh no. When your mother turned up with that Brides magazine you were positively dribbling at the sight of those dresses. And the next day you were on a diet.’
‘But you told my dad we would chip in on the costs of the reception.’
‘Bloody, big chip that turned out to be.’
‘Serves you right.’
‘Moll. Serves me right? It’s not my fault you’ve got more family than Manchester United have supporters.’
‘And it’s not my fault, you have so few relatives that your mother felt inclined to invite three quarters of Facebook.’

‘It’s amazing isn’t it? I never knew she could use a computer.’
‘She couldn’t. Your dad said she went on a course, wedding planning for the bride’s mum.’
‘Thank God she never got on to Grinder.’
‘She did, but no one of our generation is on there.’

‘The sit down, wasn’t my idea, Art.’
‘Wasn’t mine. Nor the Abba tribute band.’
‘Did you do the wedding list?’
‘No, we’ve been living together for seven years, why would I do a wedding list?’
‘Well, the charity shops will do well.’
‘We’ve been taken over. Look at me, white satin dress, this isn’t me.’
‘I like it, I never thought I’d see you in a veil.’
‘Make the most of it, it won’t happen again.’
‘Why didn’t you want to spend last night at your parents and leave from there?’
‘You must be joking. It would have been hell in that house. I would never have got near the bathroom. Everyone would be giving me advice on hair and make-up. And…’
‘And what?’
‘And I wanted to make sure you were ready and smart, so you didn’t let yourself down.’
‘Thanks a bunch. Am I that unreliable?’
‘And…’
‘Oh here comes another insult.’
‘And, I like waking up with you in the morning. It would be odd if, on one of the most important days of my life, I didn’t start it with you. It wouldn’t feel right. Besides, my dad murders tea. If nothing else, you do make a lovely cup of tea in the morning.’
‘Thank you, thanks for that.’
‘Sounds like the cars are arriving.’
‘I’ve got keys, rings, cash…’
‘Give me a kiss.’
‘Shouldn’t it wait ‘til after.’
‘Shut up and come here.’
‘Mmmmmm, mmmmm.’
‘Why are we doing this anyway? We could be in bed…’
‘Because Molly Rose Bimble, I love you more than anything in the world.’