‘What are you doing?’ said Pooh.
‘I’m drawing a circle,’ said Eeyore. ‘I need to work out the diameter. What’s twice plus?’
‘Plusplus,’ said Tigger and in a single boing found himself in a rose bush. ‘Ooh and OOWWWW.’
‘It depends how big your plus is,’ said Pooh, ignoring the feline.
‘Exactly or, to be more precise, inexactly.’ Eeyore almost raised a rare smile. ‘You see it could be the same as minus.’
‘No it couldn’t.’
‘It could if my plus was 50cm plus a metre and your minus was two metres minus 50cm they would be the same.’
‘But what would be the point in that?’ Pooh scratched his belly in a quizzical fashion.
‘Precisely or imprecisely. It makes as much sense as… as a tigger. What if my plus was one metre plus one metre and your plus was one metre plus 50cm. How would you know I had a bigger plus? I’d end up running away from you as I was trying to keep my plus and you were trying to keep yours.’
‘I see,’ said Pooh. ‘That’s probably why no other countries have a plus.’
‘Precisely, precisely,’ said Eeyore, ‘they know where they stand.’
‘That’s funny,’ said Pooh.
‘It wasn’t intended,’ said Eeyore.
They meandered, at a distance, further through the wood. Tigger was licking his fur in the distance. Every now and then there would be a squeal as his tongue encountered another thorn.
‘Thorny issue,’ said Pooh wittily.
‘Yes,’ said Eeyore seriously.
‘Let me try and explain,’ said Pooh.
‘Try away,’ said Eeyore.
‘If I want to face you and talk I should be two metres away.’
‘Yes.’
‘If I want to be closer, I should wear a face covering,’ Pooh added.
‘Yes, that’s what I heard Boris say. Unless…’
‘Unless what?’ asked Pooh.
‘If we should go to the Woodman Arms, I can be a metre away from you with a mask, but if I want to drink I need to be two metres away. Or, or I can stay one metre away, turn my back to you and take a swig.’
‘Unless we are in the same family or bubble, in which case I can sit on your lap,’ said Pooh gleefully.
‘I’d rather not contemplate that,’ said Eeyore.
This was a covid creation when government advice was less than clear.
